LOVE LETTER BY ONITSHA BIG BOY TO AMAKA

Hello pretty damusel, 

I just wanted to let u know dat I hav joined the muvin people. Ndi na aga aga, (the happuning guys). I am Aguiyi international! Importa & Exporta. I ownu plenty of shop in Onitsha main market. As u are luking at me, nne a dim very solid. My containers come in 20s and 40s every weekly. 

I hav over 40 boys in my training. Aguiyiis a bigi boy, I am a muver, I am a shaker. I yamu a man of timber & plywood. I yamu rich and by d special grace of God, I am the owner of di biggest & powerfulu boutique u can think of. I employ one lady to managin it. I can call her wit myetisalat phone; give her query with my mtn; fire herwith my glo; and hire another manger with my airtel. I wulu make you di CEO, president, and first lady of di conglomerate. 

All di streets in china are right here in my head and all di Nigerian boys dat load market in there are under me. As I yamu speaking to u now, they are making plan to crown me eze ndi igbo nile of china and by the special grace of God, you will be lolo ndi igbo nile of china. Nne you look like egg yolk and for dat, I will kill anyochicha for u. Nne, ego na esi isi na arum. I send money on errands. A dim ok! 

Is it my fault dat I yamu a bigi boy? Is it my fault dat at my age, I have many boys under me? Is it my fault dat I have plansof making u d president of d biggest boutique in Onitsha? I wulu repackage u nne m and present u to d world, pretty damusel. 

Nne m o! Oyoyo m, Egovin nwa! My yori yori! My african Queen, ashanti m! Nwaakworo aka muo! Igbu go m. Infact baby, take me.

Your loving faithfully,
Aguyi. A

LOL... o gini n'afio!!!