Sunday, 30 June 2013


Monday morning couldn't get any worse, got served a query letter at work before which I was robbed off my wallet in a bus which thankfully had little cash in it, no I'd cards, atm cards or anything important.
Usually bus stops are always crowded that first working day of the week and annoyingly my cabbie wouldn't take my call, only option was to take a bus; did I know how? Truthfully NO! But what choice did I have? That's rhetorical by the way.

My weekend had been superb, so whatever bad was happening was definitely a carryover from where I left off -having bad times that is- cause it obviously had to get completed, I guess.
Kris and I sure had a swell time.
"Did we have sex?"
Well I can't categorically tell u that, but we sure did things way better.
"What could be better?" *shrug* Don't ask me, find out. I never kiss and tell.
That was a back and forth convo between me and an imaginary personality, my way of making myself feel better.

With the "supposed" document in hand I walked into my Boss', not leaving out the query of cause, my pity look in tow.
"Good morning ma"am", "b*tch" was sure the right word to say but then again, getting dismissed outta work? Least sexy thing "ld wish to happen at the mo.
She simply stretched, had me hand over the document and gave the "you can leave look".

Lunch break couldn't come any sooner, I was elated to be away from her presence which was choking, since she had refused to leave which was unlike her.
Elaine was a sweet person but when it was time to work? The split personality resurfaced. Creepy it was, and there was no getting used to it.
I had to find a way to get back in her good books and it wasn't that difficult to decide on what to do.

At the close of work, I headed straight for my Aunt's. She had rang earlier requesting to help babysit my six year old twin cousins (Mike & Michelle) who were no doubt a handful but my love for them, and expertise in babysitting -YES! "Ve got some awesome child handling skills, they just love me- I couldn't turn her down.
It was fun seeing "em again, they got to telling me everything at once, happenings at school, who did what, who was naughty and so on; and for someone who was tired? I took it all in. And just when I thought they were done with the reporting, Michelle with her ever innocent look goes,,,
"Uncle Dee, Have u ever had Sex?"
"Whaaaaaa Whaaaaaa What did u just say?"

Thursday, 27 June 2013

"Kill Joy" Defeated.

No, No, NoooooooooOOOOOOO!!!
My freaking phone just crashed! Wait! Really???
*puzzled look*
I had a date with Kris in a few hours and now reaching her or vice versa would be a hell of a job.
What to do? What to do??

We spoke for a while over drinks before I got towed outta the club. The fact that we had danced our knickers out didn't deter us. Kris was good company as she didn't fail to crack me up like crazy to the extent I was scared of peeing in my pants.
I sure had a good time and didn't wanna let go just like that on level one. *wink*
But she beat me to it, she suggested dinner over the weekend. *TOOTHY GRIN*

"I thought you'll never come", she had already ordered a drink when I found the table. If only this babe sabi the kind wahala wey this "date" don make me go through.
Standing someone up -especially someone as warm as Kris- isn't something I"lld ever forgive myself for doing.

After I restored my phone's backup and found the text containing the address of the restaurant we agreed to meet, no longer felt bad on the amount the phone technician charged in flashing; dude sure ripped me as desperation was evidently written all over me.

"Pls don't be mad, "ve got this", I tried to feign an angry face (even though my joy knew no bounds) after she beat me to paying the bills when the waiter came over. She patted my hand from across the table and gave me "that" wink, EPIC!!!
This evening was sure going to end in a FABmazing way. *dances invincible kokoma*.

Few blocks away from my crib, her Royal Majesty rings, Iya Agba of gbo gbo aye, my ever demanding Boss who wouldn't lemme be even for the weekend.
"Where's the document I asked you to prep and send?" If only she could see the look on my face, I was pissed beyond measure. Kris who was riding in same cab with me cause we were gonna spend some time at mine was confused at my sudden change in attitude.
"Babe? Mind if we do this some other time? Got some work to do". She was obviously disappointed, it was written all over. On a second thought, "screw my boss" and I switched off my phone.

Sunday, 23 June 2013

the SATISFACTION "inbetween"•••

"Hello Banke, how u doing?"
From the tone of her voice, she was clearly sad, and it wasn't the right time for me to get all emo' with her, I had work to do. I was exhausted, sleepy and irritated at the same time, it was such a wrong time for her to have called.
"You havnt replied my message" she said, "what message?" I asked in confusion.
All she did was sigh, and asked to ring me later, she must have sensed my irritation; Good Girl!
"Talk to you later then", nicest thing I could think to say.

The happenings of the past two weeks had really gotten to me more than I thought they would. The numerous meetings I had to keep up with, errands I had to run, calls and appointments,,, it had been super craaaaaAazy; and the "phone call"? *head bowed*, that came a couple more times. Funny thing is I had gotten somewhat used to it. It was pointless to have been continually freaked by some lunatic who couldn't make more than a sentence, but that didn't stop me from being extra careful.
I had an alarm system installed and the locks on all my doors changed, make I no later begin sing "had I known"! Biko kwa!

Damn!!! It just hit me I had promised my pals I would hang with "em. It was friday and Jean had called earlier to pen my name in for a hangout at a club or clubs, depending on the mood of the evening and I had totally agreed, without thinking of cos.
I hadn't seen him or the clique (Fred, Kola, Trevor, Kevwe) in about a month.
A MONTH??? Strange!!! I hadn't partied in a month. This wasn't me, what had this "alien" done to me?
A normal friday never passed without me getting all jiggy. Had loads of catching up tonight.

At 11:30pm, Jean rang to say he was couple'a blocks away and would be at mine in no time to pick me up.
What was with him and the sudden "british" accent? Last I checked he visited S.A. for a two week vacation, and the accent suddenly manifested? Least of my worries -for now of cos- all I wanted to do was have fun, and..., well HAVE FUN!

On my fourth glass of cream soda and in the third club we visited that night, Trevor suggested we'd had enough for the evening and suggested we go home.
Initially I was gonna protest, but remembered I had to be at the office later that day, so I told myself to shut up. I obviously. Couldn't catch up on "everything" I had supposedly missed out on but I sure rocked the dance floor of the clubs we stepped in and made a handful of friends, some very cool ones amongst which was Kris.

I had first noticed her as we walked into CUBANA, some newbie in the city, it was unusually filled with humans who I must say had no idea what the word boring meant.
We danced together, and when we finally took a break?


Monday, 17 June 2013

lose to win; the SCARE inbetween...

I woke up startled, something must have scared the sh*t outta me, the wall clock said 2:56am, it was too early to start my day, and I was somewhat shaky going back to sleep.

A few hours ago, I received a call from an unknown number. I usually do not take calls from numbers not registered on my phone, but I felt the urge to take that very one.
"Stay away from her" was all the voice said until the call dropped.
Stay away from who??? That question never got an answer and t"was in my head till I drifted to sleep.

Yes I remember, I was having a nightmare where some strange figure was chasing me with some weapon and screaming the same words- "STAY AWAY FROM HER!!!", until I woke up.
Hmmm, my enemies are at work, I guess.
Well I got on my knees, said a prayer and went to the study to do some work.

I had a deadline to turn in an article the next week, and I hadn't even typed a single word.
I could virtually see my boss giving me some shitty look having an excuse for been late asides breaking both hands and having glass in my eyes. SMH!!!

I looked at the wall clock and it was 8:16am, LAWD! I had an appointment for 9am and exactly 44minutes to put myself in shape, make it through traffic and still look human when I get there, if I ever do in time.
I still hadn't written a word of my supposed article as I had slept off minutes after I sat back to think on how to get started.

Whoever called me the previous night had sure scared the sh*t outta me really, cause I practically tip-toed through the stairs and when a cat "meowed" in the process, I freaked out, more like my heart practically sought for freedom to hike out my body; Lord help me!!!

"Driver! Can u step on it some more, PLS?"
He simply gave that "how much you dey pay way you dey hazzle me" look, I just said a silent prayer cause missing this appointment would earn me a query from "Lady Morgana" herself, my almighty boss, I was her stand in as she was outta town at the mo'.
Thankfully I got in when everyone was being ushered into the conference room, and just then my phone rang and without looking at the screen I picked::::::::::
"Ve got my eyes on you, stay away from her" the voice on the otherside said,
"Stay away from who?" I asked!
"Don't play coy with me Mr, just do as you're told" and mystery man hung up.
I had to many "her's" in my life to know which in particular, if it was any of "em and not some prank call.


Friday, 14 June 2013

lose to win: the CHERRY on top!

"Its not what you think Tasha" I said aloud while running after her, she had clearly caught me in a compromising position with that "olodo" girl, "enemy of progress".
How was I gonna prove to her I wasn't guilty, as I had even refused her escort to the room. Phew!
Women and wahala. Not like I really blame her, but she hardly knew me enough to trust me one bit.

As I straightened up while waiting for the elevator, I heard someone call out to me, must have been my mind playing games so I didn't react in anyway. I was forced to look up when the call became persistent only to find out it was Banke- OMG, the FABmazing Banke!!!

At first sight, Banke has got a likeable personality. Not only is she nice and sincere, but also blunt and truthful.
We had first met at a mall some rainy evening when she had trouble getting to her car cos she obviously didn't wanna mess her hair and loubs I guess. Since I had an umbrella (big enough for only one person), I offered to walk her and annoyingly got beat by the rain, YES O! Rain mama me, kawai!
Not like I felt bad, but the fact that she didn't offer to drop me off someplace had me regretting my action!

Two weeks later, "m all sitted alone, having lunch when someone walks over, taps me and says "HI"..., I simply looked up, smiled (cos "v been warned not to talk with food in my mouth) and continued with my food.
She pulls out a chair, sits and goes, "Don't you remember me?"
Well of cos I did, who"lld forget a face so pretty, but "omo guy" had to form like he had no idea, after which I feign remembrance and go all smiley.
We talked and got acquainted.

So, seeing her again after my mood just got ruined really lightend me up, we hugged and kissed, YES WE DID!!!
I didn't see that coming, she just stuck her mouth on mine and it happened, and yes "m glad she did.
Afterwards, we took the elevator to the hotel's bar for drinks, going back to that wedding reception was so out of it so I sms'd my buddy to tell I wasn't coming back, he could go home without me as I was gonna explain everything to him on a later date.

Banke and I talked for an hour straight without touching our drinks, she let me into secrets she wouldn't let anyone else easily. I don't mean to brag, but "ve got that special thing that gets people spilling and telling things.
Anyways, she had just come out of an abusive relationship and needed time to get herself together. Hearing her story really got me pissed at the guy who"d treat a lady that bad but nonetheless, she was out and that was a good thing
There wasn't much to tell bout me, she overheard me begging Tasha and that's what practically brought her out her room, so I only had to tell what led to the "begging scene", LOL!!!

The three hours spent talking was really worth it, we practically felt better, that much I could see in her eyes, and thankfully she voiced it out too.

It was time to go as my uncle rang to say he needed his car back.
I walked "B" to her room and was driving out the hotel when a text came into my phone;

"I Love u, wuld you be mine? " - Banky

Jesu! Jamb Question ti de'!!!


Friday, 7 June 2013

and SEDUCTION came crawling II !!!

After she left, I rang my Uncle to ask if I could have his car for a few hours to which he agreed, SUPER!
Next was to find company, didn't wanna go all alone, so after much pleas and cajoling, Hamza agreed to tagging along and brought a friend too, three's a crowd, but who"s counting?

We got to the reception venue just as peeps were filling in, greeting each other and paring up -its clearly no fun sitting with a total stranger-, and since I had come with a few peeps of mine, we wasted no time finding a table and getting comfortable. After which I texted yours truly to tell I had finally arrived because the few hours from when she left my crib, till I finally left for the reception, she rang me countless, and I kept reassuring I wouldn't miss it for anything in the world. *Yimu*

Ten Minutes later, three people -2 ladies and a guy- occupied the remaining seats on my table, what really caught my attention and had me look up from my phone was one of them's cologne, it was that powerful to get a nod from me. So I was nice enough to exchange pleasantries, we shook hands and got talking.
One of the two ladies shoke my hand in a funny way by tickling my palm with a finger, whatever that meant and no it didn't stop at that, she kept stepping on my foot under the table.
Hamza must have noticed my discomfort as he asked if I was ok, but I simply gave the excuse of my tummy cramps reoccuring and the urgent need to use the bathroom.
I alerted Natasha who thankfully was lodged in the same hotel and offered to escort me to her room to relieve myself but I declined, didn't want anyone thinking otherwise; simply got her key card & room number and found my way.
Little did I know "tickle, matchy" lady, whose name I got to know afterwards as Vivian was watching me closely and had a sneaky scheme.

With no idea how she did it as I hadn't noticed anyone following me, Vivian pounced on me immediately I walked in Natasha's. To say I wasn't scared to be taken so unawares would be a huge lie.
I was still trying to make sense of what in lawd's name she was doing there when she grabbed my buckle. Gbese!!!
She kept tugging at it to free me of my pants when Natasha walks in, of cos the room door was ajar and so she didn't have to knock to be let it.
The look on her face, GOSH!!!


Monday, 3 June 2013

and SEDUCTION came crawling!

The flight to Abuja was smooth, I was finally free of the conniving Ronke, Phew!
I had totally ignored the cute lady next to me and in order to make up for my obvious neglect, I offered to help with her hand luggage.
That single act won me a ride home as my cousin had totally forgotten to come get me from the airport.
We made conversation on our way and I got to know she just came into the country to visit family and attend an aunt's wedding that weekend; and that's how I got invited, for the wedding that is.

9:52am- The doorbell goes off, I rush to the door, lo & Behold, there's Natasha to pick me up, for the wedding!!!
"You are'nt ready yet?"
Snap Snap, lies come pouring about how "v got a cramped tummy and all.
In seconds she was standing real close, I could feel her breath on me and I had on just shorts and nothing else.
She put her head on my chest and slowly slid one of her hands to my crotch; "Jnr" was slightly awake, but that touch got him out his slumber in seconds.
I had bent my head to kiss her when the doorbell went off again..... WTF???

The look on my face when I opened the door was enough to pass across my irritation, it was a stranger in the area who had obviously lost his way and needed directions. That settled, we were gonna pick up from where we stopped when her mum rang to ask where she was...
*deep sigh*